Pigs Can Fly: Finding An Unexpected Friendship with My Grandmother

SET A TIMER FOR 3 MINUTES. OBSERVE THE ARTWORK IN SILENCE.

In absolute silence, she gingerly untangles her arms from mine and takes one step away; a physical distance that I am familiar with. 3 minutes should not be too long. Right?

2 minutes 30 seconds. Eyes scanning Tay Kok Wee’s “Picking,” I clung on to every detail I could, from the ashy silver colour of the fishes laying resigned on the floor to the wrinkled expression of the subjects crowding around them, scrutinising their lifeless bodies…

Has it only been 30 seconds?

2 minutes. I thought distance makes the heart grow fonder, why is it getting cold. My feet begin to fidget in place, and I feel the impatience rise within me.

FOCUS, Susanne.

1 minute. Letting my eyes slowly trail away from the painting, I see her. Standing in stillness. At Peace. Comfort radiated from her like the warm glow of a sunset, like home. 

In. Out. Our breath meets in time. In. Out. My eyes gently find focus back to the painting

Finding our way back to each other, our hands touch, signalling the end of three minutes.

What is the meaning of “friend”? While there is no hard and fast rule to friendships, , I at least know—as a proud INFP—that it takes more than one person to form a friendship. Most days, I find myself preferring the quiet solitude of my own company to being in a crowd of people. Now, with the pandemic, it’s easy to settle in the comfort of my solitude,and I even found myself drifting away from those I cherished most. “Friendship,” though I wasn’t complaining then, is something I have taught myself to foster a sense of ownership and intentionality with. After experiencing "How to Art With Friends" with my grandmother at National Gallery Singapore, I now understand why some friendships lay dormant for a reason—so that they could be unearthed like a cavern of treasures, when the time was right.

And no, I am not referring to your results on the “Which friend are you in a group” Tiktok filter, or how the people in you Close Friends list on Instagram occasionally drop in with a “♥”. I am talking about true friendship – where conversations can dive deep, where squabbles of the past become inside jokes, and where both push and pull each other to become better people. The pandemic has exacerbated feelings of loneliness and isolation across society. Now, more than ever, we feel the need to intentionally set aside time and effort for one another.

BUT HOW EXACTLY DO WE BUILD FRIENDSHIPS WITH INTENTIONALITY?

To me, this experience is similar to visiting an artwork at a museum. Sometimes, the artwork makes immediate and intuitive sense, just as some friendships may feel easy and natural to settle into. Other times, standing in front of an artwork draws a complete blank and no clear direction, just as sometimes we may feel at a loss about how to go about a new friendship. What then can we do?

Thankfully, we now have “How to Art With Friends,” a newly-launched, light-hearted social art experience designed by the Community & Access team at National Gallery Singapore that combines social connection and understanding art. With the help of one little activity booklet, one can expect to receive a clear roadmap for how to look at visual art and build meaningful friendships with creative and interactive exercises; it’s a Gallery adventure! This booklet is available for free at the Visitor Services Counters for groups of two or more museumgoers, or just lost sheep at the Gallery.

In my time as an intern at the Gallery, I observed in our interactions with community groups that what never fails to put a smile on the faces of our senior visitors is the moment they cross paths with another visiting group of younger children. After an exchange of “hellos” and cheery waves, their smiles often linger on till they leave. It’s the underrated power of intergenerational connections.

This got me thinking about my Nai Nai¹ and how the “How To Art With Friends” experience could better our relationship, or perhaps even beyond being family.

GRANDMA AT THE GALLERY

On 9 July 2022, I decided to befriend my Nai Nai. As I was increasingly involved in the making of “How To Art With Friends,” I began to wonder: “If I were not related by blood to my family members, would we be friends?” I wanted to explore the possibility of art facilitating a shift from dutiful, circumstantial relationships (like one between a granddaughter and grandmother) to one built on genuine, mutual interest.

This is how our “How To Art With Friends” Experience went…

Strolling along the corridors of the DBS Singapore Gallery with our booklets in hand, there was an air of quiet awkwardness. This was the first time ever that Nai Nai and I were out alone together. And it was clear from our tense postures that this was foreign territory.

As we passed the Liu Kang Gallery, Nai Nai exclaimed: “Eh… Liu Kang? Liu Kang was my art teacher in secondary school!”

This was news to me! Who would have thought that “Liu Kang,” a name I had heard countless times in my years in school and while working at the Gallery, a figure so awe-inspiring and distant, had been Nai Nai’s teacher!

We settled on Liu Kang’s Life by the River for the first activity, and it kickstarted a conversation about our kampong family history. As we continued through the activities in different exhibition galleries, I found our physical distance closing and arms entwining. Laughing at each other’s drawings, listening attentively to each other’s haikus, and sharing a pair of earphones— I began to feel the rigid tension in our bodies melt away and the distance between us fading. Gradually, I could feel her hand reaching out for mine more and more. Before long, the composed, witty Nai Nai transformed into a free-spirited butterfly. She pulled me from one artwork to another, one gallery to the next, with child-like eagerness. And with those creaky knees of hers, I was amused that it was I who was struggling to keep up!

ACTIVITY 10: “ON HOPE”— PIGS CAN FLY

Going into this experience, I was expecting to have to teach my grandmother the ropes around art appreciation. Little did I know that for the next three hours of my day, she was going to teach me all about art and myself far more than I could have imagined.

As we approached the last activity in the booklet, “Activity 10: On Hope,” I asked my grandmother which gallery she enjoyed the most. From the Supreme Court Wing, she led me back to DBS Singapore Gallery 2 and we walked through the gallery one last time with “hope” in mind. Quickly, her feet planted themselves in front of Pig Farm by Chen Chong Swee.

“The pigs,” she said, “reminds of your Yeye’s mother.” She went on to talk about how my great grandmother owned a pig farm at their kampong. Whether rain or shine, great-grandmother will always take care of the pigs, even if it meant showering my grandfather together with the pigs. If the pigs were alive, all was good. But deeper than that, she began to share how her relationship with my late grandfather showed her the hope of being a mother and wife. Having grown up with a sickly single mother, my Nai Nai found hope and strength displayed by her mother-in-law and her pigs.

This was my first-time hearing of my great-grandmother’s life and I never would have if not for this artwork.

The reality is, as we grow older, the number of “close friends” get fewer. We find ourselves feeling increasingly lonely. But the irony of loneliness is that you are often not alone in feeling this way. With the recent loss of our grandfather, this “How To Art With Friends” adventure together showed me that. I could feel a gradual shift in my relationship with my Nai Nai, and in how we perceived and understood of each other. “How To Art With Friends” gave us an opportunity to unplug and focus on the person in front of us, not as my grandmother, but as a whole person, and now, my friend.

I had not seen her laugh in a while. And today, I saw my Nai Nai let go. Through Pig Farm (Undated), we found a confidante in each other. Through Life by the River (1975), we found history. Through Picking (1955), we found joy. And through “How To Art With Friends”, we found each other—as equals, as friends. 

How To Art With Friends takes you on a quirky adventure of the Gallery, on your own terms and in your own time! With 10 fun activities that guide you to look at artworks in an unexpected and personal way, it is all that you need to have a blast with friends at the museum.

To embark on this experience, ask our friendly Gallery staff for a copy, or pick up the guide at any Visitor Services Counter.